The Tyranny of Multicellularism

A Brief Manifesto Jointly Composed by the Members of The Cytoplasmic Society

Humans and all “higher” life forms are fundamentally immoral. Every moment of our lives, our bodies thoughtlessly kill millions of microorganisms. To make it worse, science has further perfected this mass extermination. It cannot be denied that the very fact of complex life has exacted the most brutal oppression since the moment it was conceived through a mistake in evolution. Only humans with their gift of consciousness have the ability to undo this evil.
Multicellular organisms have all developed immune systems; death camps that exist for the sole purpose of ruthlessly killing on a scale so massive, it is almost beyond comprehension. You are a death camp! As are all other animals. Plants and fungi are equally guilty for these crimes against life itself. Only single-celled fungi such as yeast live in purity. The cytoplasmshed must stop, but the arrogance of “higher” organisms persists.
Humans have searched for Utopia and the Garden of Eden for all their existence and found only chaos, war, and hatred. An abstract interpretation of the Bible would reveal that the story of Adam and Eve is truly an allegory that represents the first formation of a single-cellular organism capable of division. The beginning of life is told in a crude human context, because the people who were inspired by God wrote in a manner understandable to them and their contemporaries. The elements of male and female are included because the people of the time, in their ignorance, knew of no other reproductive methods than those of themselves and the animals around them. Thus perfection, Utopia, Eden was all in the primordial soup! Life began in glory and now it has come to this!
Human life is the ultimate manifestation of the errors of multicellularism! When life based on cell cooperation appeared, tolerance and good will ceased. Single cells designated as undesirable were arbitrarily exterminated when they entered multicellular domains. There was after that only war! Is it surprising that humans subscribe to nationalism, racism, war, and genocide when that is the long established doctrine of every cell that comprises them? Humans were trapped into misery and suffering long before they ever evolved!
There is only one way to reconcile the long, long fall from paradise. Multicellular life must be abolished and all precautions taken to assure that no such evil ever again arises to plague the natural order of the universe. Animals and plants must be done away with. All fungi must be exterminated. Even the single celled varieties must die because of their long-standing multicellular sympathies. When this great glory is accomplished and the world freed from the three evil kingdoms, only humans will remain. Self-destruction would be the final step of the great quest for harmony. On the day of the Apocalypse all humans must jump into great vats of boiling chemicals so that every last component of their corrupt bodies is utterly destroyed. In the instant the last multicellular creature perishes, heaven on earth will have been restored! Two billion years of cellular injustice will be gracefully washed away by the patient tides of eternity. When the shores of time have disappeared beneath the waves, so will the tyranny of multicelluralism have been cleansed.

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