by Zygmunt
Private Piman stood at attention with the other members of his squad as the company shuttle landed in the docking bay. The hatch opened with a hiss of steam and three people climbed out. The first was a man in a long white lab coat with carefully combed gray hair. Following him was a skinny young man also in a lab coat and a tall, dark-haired woman. When all had descended to the landing deck, the lead scientist approached the commanding officer, Sergeant Avery. “Greetings.” He said with a thin, insincere grin. “I am Doctor Jules Hardunn of the Purina Dog Chow Company. This man here is my assistant, Zygmunt and this is our special guide, Ellen Ripley. You have come here to do a full inspection of this multi-million credit facility. We have not had any communications from this station for over a month and the crew has not responded to messages of any kind. We have reason to believe there may be trouble but we as of yet have no knowledge of the cause. There-”
“You know what happened.” Ripley accused. “You know everything. They should be destroyed!” Dr. Hardunn ignored her and with a glib smile continued. “Zygmunt and Ripley will accompany you on your mission. I wish all of you good luck. I will be in the control room maintaining group communications. “ Dr. Hardunn began to ascend a nearby metal staircase, leaving the team to their work. Naturally, the group proceeded down the nearest dark hallway. On the ceiling of the narrow passage were numerous large air ducts spouting clouds of steam and underneath their feet was a metal grating with a large dark space below. Every so often, they came upon large, poorly lit chambers with long rusty chains hanging from the ceiling. Obviously, most of this ship was of no use to anyone. Private Piman could not help but ask himself “What were they thinking when they designed this place?” Sergeant Avery turned around to glare at Piman. “Piman! This is the Marines, not engineering school! Get down and give me twenty.” Piman grumbled under his breath and hit the deck as best he could with his heavy combat pack on. He attempted to complete all his reps to the amusement of the members of his company. Avery noticed Ripley glaring at him. “Look lady,” Said the sergeant. “This is how you keep the soldiers in line.” Zygmunt was not paying attention to the situation. He was too busy watching Private Rodriguez’s very pretty ass. He resolved that she would survive. It shouldn’t be too hard to get her boyfriend, Jackson out of the way.
After another hour of marching, Avery called a halt and Hardunn’s voice came on the radio. “Very good. You have reached the entrance into the sublevel of sector AB5. We have reason to believe the disturbance originates from this area. Have you found any survivors?”
“No sir.” Replied Avery. “We’ve not found a living soul. Not even any bodies.”
“Very good. Proceed into the sublevel once your squad is prepared. The company has reason to believe the workers’ remains might be found in that vicinity.”
“Yes sir.” Radio communications were broken off.
For a couple hours, the squad rested for a meal and double-checked all weapons. Piman Piman sat off in a corner by himself looking rather worried. Zygmunt, Hardunn’s assistant, sat next to him and for a minute just ate his food. “You’ve noticed something very special about this place.” He commented out of nowhere. “Duh.” Replied Piman miserably. “It’s like they spent millions of dollars just to make this place-”
“Convoluted?” Cut in Zygmunt with a mischievous grin. Piman couldn’t bear it any longer. “It’s a deathtrap!” He moaned. He had been much louder than he intended. Seeing that everyone had heard him anyway, he added. “We’re going to die here.”
“SHUT UP!” Bellowed Sergeant Avery. The officer turned on Piman furiously. His chiseled sledgehammer of a face was now very red. He looked down in contempt at his greenest recruit who still sat in the corner with his silverware and bowl. If the kid wasn’t so pathetic, he would’ve shot him for stupidity by now. These soft little college shits always came in thinking they could run his operation. Piman Piman sat there trembling a bit under his officer’s gaze. Avery couldn’t help but smile as he noticed yet again the bagginess of Piman’s uniform and how his oversized helmet obscured his eyes. He then went back to giving his massive machinegun a thorough cleaning. Zygmunt had deftly moved away a few feet so as not to share in on the bitching-out but now he edged close again. “Don’t be so scared.” He advised. “It might be enjoyable. A few of us might make it.” As he said this, Zygmunt glanced avariciously at Rodriguez who was currently half-naked and receiving a massage from Jackson. “Doctor Hardunn has a number of things planned out.” These words did not make Piman feel any better. Zygmunt went back to where his pack was dropped and examined some strange tools that looked vaguely medical in a sinister way.
There was a cold, damp draft of air rushing upwards from the dark stairway to the sublevels. Everyone descended carefully and turned on their lights to reveal winding metal hallways with no lighting whatsoever. In fact, there was no sign that there had ever been lights. “What were they thinking?” Piman asked himself quietly. If anyone heard, they were too busy to worry about him. The radio began to crackle and Hardunn’s voice came through. “All of you need to split into two groups. My assistant will help to fulfill your primary objective; to obtain genetic samples from a certain life form aboard this ship.”
“You knew it all along! Shouted Ripley. “You’ve got no right to send these people in there without telling them.”
“Why don’t you?” Replied Hardunn in a smooth tone. “See if they’ll believe you.” With that he broke contact. “Look, said Ripley. There is an evil species of predator very near to us now and our real mission is to gain genetic material from these aliens so the Purina Dogchow Company can continue its attempts to contain them. These aliens must be destroyed before they spread to planet Earth.”
“Look here!” Yelled Sergeant Avery. “I’m here to get bodies, alien blood, whatever, but we’re the Marines. We have MZ-23 assault rifles and tactics, godammit!” Ellen Ripley regarded the Sergeant with a cool expression. She was not impressed with the beefy man’s claims of fighting prowess. With a sneer, Sergeant Avery with Rao and Jordan split off from the rest of the group and ran down the maze of dark passageways looking for a fight.
Zygmunt took the lead of those that remained. “Hardunn gave me very specific instructions and a schematic of this sector.” He pulled out an electronic map and displayed it to everyone. Even though the screen flashed through infinite charts at high speed, Zygmunt was able to stop the map on one frame and put his finger on one tiny round room. “Here is where we can retrieve a small sample from a queen alien.” Ripley’s eyes widened. “You can’t do this! You’re endangering humanity by even attempting this. We should destroy the bitch!” Zygmunt seemed to ponder things over for a moment. “Maybe that would be a better idea.” He knew it would be much easier to obtain a skin scraping from a dead queen alien and he didn’t really care about Hardunn’s assignment anyway. So far, breeding insanely dangerous alien species hadn’t turned much of a profit.
Now that a threat was certain the group moved with great caution, tiptoeing down the hallways. There were so many holes, tunnels, and empty unlit spaces in this wonderfully designed ship that they could have been attacked any moment from any direction. The three remaining Marines, except for Piman scanned the perimeter dutifully with their machine guns. Piman figured that if something wanted to kill them here, there would probably be nothing he could do about it.
Just then, the whole group was startled as they heard clanging movement across the floorplates. A pet pot-bellied pig rushed from its hiding place under a pile of scrap metal and ran grunting into another one of those dark, damp rooms filed with useless rusty chains, big crates, and lots of other crap. “I’ll go after that pig.” Volunteered Jackson. “It could give us some clues about what really happened here.”
“That’s a great idea.” Replied Zygmunt almost cheerfully. “You are free to proceed.” Piman knew this was the stupidest plan on earth and that Zygmunt knew it. But before he could raise his voice, Jackson was already running into the shadows trying to call the pig to him in a loud, friendly voice. Piman looked to Ripley for some sense in this illogical and utterly stupid situation, but she was quietly absorbed in some mysterious inner struggle.
“Come here, little pig!” called out Jackson. He followed the trail of grunts and clankings as he attempted to pinpoint the animal’s location. He lost track of all time as he wandered about. Finally, his flashlight beam fell on the shy animal where it sat in terror, backed into a corner. “It’s alright, little pig.” Jackson reassured it. Just then, Jackson felt something warm dripping on the back of his neck. Saliva? He heard a screeching behind him and then knew nothing more as an alien’s mini-mouth crushed through his skull.
Sergeant Avery with his two soldiers ran through ooze-slick halls spraying bullets in every direction. Aliens rushed at them in a frenzy only to be mowed down into jagged heaps of acid and exoskeleton. They had finally found the sonofabitches and they were going to pay. Since they had found the desiccated corpses of the crew swathed in slime, Avery had sworn vengeance against these monsters and his men were with him. The swarms of black spiny beasts screamed in frustration as they were driven back. All was going well. In their state of concentration, the marines had not noticed that one alien had managed to outflank them and was slowly creeping up behind them. Not one of them thought to glance over their shoulder.
Private Jordan was thrown into bloody spasms as a barbed tail pierced his torso. The stealthy alien screeched in furious triumph. Rao at that moment quickly spun around and emptied a clip into the creature at point blank range. The alien was reduced to smithereens, but Rao had acid splattered all over him. He screamed a piercing scream that abruptly stopped as the substance ate through his neck and sent his half corroded head tumbling to the ground.
Avery was
alone in this now. With renewed fury, he
split a final curtain
of alien protectors. Now that they were
gone, he could see what they were guarding; a single massive alien. He knew this must be their leader. Just as he aimed his weapon at her, the
metal door to her chamber tore free of alien mucous membranes and shut. It was a heavy barrier that could resist
any weapons he possessed. He screamed
in fury. How could he have been cheated
by this freak accident. He heard a
crackling in his ear. No, it wasn’t his
imagination. Sergeant Avery heard
Hardunn trying to speak to him. “The
queen alien cannot be killed just yet. Your
rash actions will have to be curtailed for the moment.”
Then Avery remembered that the scientist was
in the control room. The bastard had
betrayed them! “YOU BASTARD!” Avery
shouted into the microphone. “I’m gonna
frag your Harvard ass when I get out of here!”
“I don’t
think you shall be leaving.” Avery turned
around as another heavy metal
door closed quickly. That was the way
he’d come. There was, of course, no button for Avery to open the doors
himself
nor even an override circuit. The doors
themselves were, of course, twice as thick as tank armor. The place
was,
of course,
a death trap. Why it had never occurred
to anyone to simply contain the aliens through this highly secure
system of
remotely controlled doorways, no one could possibly say.
Though, with their ship so needlessly full
of secret passageways even that might not have helped.
Sergeant
Avery put his back to the closed door. He
was cornered now and he could already hear alien
reinforcements
coming. His ammo was running low and he
wouldn’t last much longer. He fumbled
in his pocket and pulled out a visual communicator.
He quickly contacted Private Piman, something he thought
he
would never do. Piman’s face appeared in
the viewscreen after a few seconds. “Piman!”
He shouted. “He betrayed us. That Ivy
League fucker! I almost
had them. Almost! Hardunn
turned on us.”
“You
DUMBASS!” Replied Piman. “We were trying to
tell you that when you left.” Piman then
broke contact. Sergeant Avery went livid
and knew if by
some chance he got out of this, he would put a bullet in Piman’s head. But he knew he wouldn’t. He
tried Private Jackson. No response. Rodriguez. She
came up on
the view screen. She saw immediately
from his battered, sweaty face that he was engaged in battle and could
hear
inhuman screeches in the background. She
gave him a sad look as she realized he would not be alive
much
longer. “Make sure Hardunn doesn’t get
near the queen alien. They’ll make more
of these monsters! Blow this whole fucking
place!”
“Yes, sir. We’ll do
it if it kills us. For you.”
Avery smiled one last grim smile and then
terminated the communication. They were
flooding in now. He quickly emptied his
last few clips and both sides regarded each other solemnly for a moment. It was over. Avery
pulled out his combat knife and rushed them in a final
futile gesture. His body parts were
scattered
over the floor within moments.
“To get back,” Said Zygmunt “We have to go through the tank rooms.”
“Alright.” Responded Ripley with a serious expression. “Let’s go.”
“Look.” Said Piman as though he was talking to children. “Why don’t we just go back the way we came?”
“Because it’s a shortcut.” Replied Zygmunt in the same tone. It was no use. Ripley was following a grinning Zygmunt and Rodriguez was following her.
The tank rooms were just wonderful. Just when Piman thought these people couldn’t get any dumber, they had to make their lives more interesting. “Why would someone go through the trouble of making a place like this?” He asked as they waded through waist deep water. “It’s for ballast.” Zygmunt answered quickly.
“For ballast? Do you realize we are in space?! A vacuum?! I don’t think that’s going to work real well.”
Zygmunt simply shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe technology has improved.” As the group turned the next corner, Piman raised his gun and sighed with relief that what they saw was only a person floating leisurely about in an inner-tube. “Hello… uh gentlemen. You startled me.” The person gave a nervous laugh. “I’ve sort of been hiding out in here for awhile.”
“Who are you?” Demanded Ripley. “How did you survive?” Rodriguez aimed her gun at the young man as if he were some sort of threat. “I’m Psi Renne Riley. Like I said, guys, I’ve sort of been here for awhile. Food’s getting old.”
“How did you escape?”
“Well, I came in here and they didn’t come after me. They don’t like it in here.”
“Why don’t you come with us? We’re trying to get off this station.”
“Uh-uh. I don’t think I’m leaving this room. It won’t be that easy to get me out.”
“If he doesn’t want to go, said Rodriguez, leave him here. We’re running out of time.”
“What do you mean?” Asked Ripley with an intense stare.
“If you
remember, this ship was on its way to Earth even
before we arrived. It probably won’t be
much longer.” Even Zygmunt looked
disturbed at this. “Our only hope is to find the self destruct
mechanism. “All right.
Zygmunt grudgingly agreed. “We can
find the necessary control panel once we reach the main level again.” He quickly found a door leading out of the
tank rooms and they were back in the main hallway.
Zygmunt now enjoyed the intended results of his tank room
excursion. Rodriguez’s wet clothing now
clung closely to her body and he stared at her as much as he could
without
being noticed. He approached her and
asked “How was the swim?” Rodriguez
thought for a moment.
“Refreshing.”
In no time at all, the group was back on the main level. Zygmunt quickly found a computer jack and plugged in his console. He scanned through various nonsensical high-tech details until he hacked the override for the self-destruct. “Damn!” He suddenly exclaimed. “The ship doesn’t have enough energy left to self destruct. It’s all been spent getting to Earth.”
“Whatever.” Said Piman. “Give me that thing.” He took the console from Zygmunt and scanned through it for awhile. “There, I’ve fixed it up.” Zygmunt sighed in relief and thanked Piman, sounding genuine for the first time. The remaining four people raced for the shuttle bay.
Piman was so relieved when they emerged into the well-lit area of the shuttle bay where this nightmare had begun. He could almost have cried. Rodriguez thought only of vengeance and raced up the stairs to the control room. As soon as the soldier was gone, Ripley turned on Piman and Zygmunt. “Which one of you is the android?” She pulled a pistol out of her pocket and watched the two men with suspicion. “One of you was sent by the company to spy on us and foil our plans. And I believe it’s YOU! You were Hardunn’s assistant and you still serve the company!”
“NO!” Screamed Zygmunt. Ripley fired a round into Zygmunt’s shoulder and he fell to the ground in pain. Red blood oozed between his fingers. He was real. Ripley realized she had been mistaken and began to turn on Piman. Private Piman in a split second put everything together. “Duh.” He told himself. In these situations the least probable was most predictable. He opened fire on Ripley before she could shoot him and sure enough, thick, white android fluids went flying everywhere. She collapsed into a ruin of whitewashed plastic just as Rodriguez came back down the stairs. She stared in amazement. “She was a robot? She shot Zygmunt?” Rodriguez brought out a first aid kit and quickly bandaged Zygmunt. Then they all entered the ship. Now that they looked out of the shuttle bay doors, they could see Earth almost filling their vision. There wasn’t a second to lose. The shuttle shot out of the bay and into the freedom of space. They were safe now. A groaning Zygmunt was moved into a storage room and Piman and Rodriguez were left alone… Or so they thought.
They heard a small noise from the back of the ship. Piman and Rodriguez quickly got their guns and went to inspect. There was something moving back in the shadows of the cargo area. Any second now and they would get their shot. “Please don’t shoot!” A nervous voice called out. “It’s just me.” Psi Renne appeared before them still wearing his inner tube and with a pet pig clutched in his arms. “Hi guys.” He greeted with a tentative wave of his hand. They were all safe now…Or so they thought.
A loud beeping noise filled the ship. “We’re being hailed.” Said Rodriguez. A changed face, but unmistakably the face of Doctor Jules Hardunn filled the view screen. His eyes were gone and his visage had become slimy and covered in scales. “Did you think it would be so easy as that?” He asked contemptuously. A trickle of alien mucous ran down the corner of his mouth as his lips twisted to form the words. “You really thought you had defeated us? You thought me dead, no doubt, but I am changing into something…BEAUTIFUL. We will arrive on Earth at any moment now and we will wipe out the puny human race.” Rodriguez looked to Piman with a shocked expression. Her deep brown eyes were fearful and her full lips parted with realization. “You didn’t enable the self destruct. Did you?”
“He’s arriving at Earth.” Piman answered. “But not in the way he planned.”
At one time, the settlement known as Albuquerque had been part of a nation called the United States. Now, it was the official headquarters of the Purina Dogchow Company. For hundreds of years they had operated from here and neglected basic principles of common sense. Today the chairmen of the company looked out their office windows, as a great projectile, blazing with atmospheric heat plummeted down towards them.
“NOOOOoooooo!” Screamed Hardunn. Piman, Rodriguez, and Psi Renne ignored him and looked intently out the window as they saw an explosion blossom somewhere in what had once been the Southwest United States. The view screen went black. They couldn’t believe it was finally over and began to collapse with relief. They were safe now.