The Kazaa Congress and Other Online Intrusions
,The Kazaa International Congress unanimously finds your atrocious share level of 0 to be an intolerable crime of selfishness. You must rectify yourself immediately according the Kazaa Conduct Ordinances without hesitation. Any delay will be punished. Outright failure to comply will be met with the full force of Kazaa Law. --The KIC
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Your share level is not satisfactory according the regulations of the Kazaa Congress. Your pathetic contributions to the network are duly noted. Under the orders of your superiors, increase you share level NOW!! --The KIC
Only seven living species of mammal are included in the Pholidota, the pangolins or scaly anteaters. There are four species in Africa and three in southeast Asia. Pangolins were once more widely distributed throughout the world; an essentially modern-looking fossil pangolin, Eomanis, has been found in the Eocene of Germany, and another fossil pangolin has been found in the lower Oligocene of North America. Today, because of habitat destruction and hunting (pangolin scales are used in Chinese and African medicine), the three Asian species and one of the African species of pangolin are considered endangered. Pangolins feed only on burrowing social insects, such as ants and termites. Some are arboreal, living in trees; others live in burrows. Pangolins have stout, strong, clawed limbs, used for digging into ant and termite mounds. The tongue of a pangolin can be extended about 25 cm, and has muscular roots that attach to the animal's pelvis! Pangolins completely lack teeth, and the lower jaw is a small bladelike bone. Perhaps the most obvious feature of pangolins is their scaly epidermal armor, making them look a bit like pine cones with legs. Confronted with a threat, pangolins curl very tightly into balls. Pangolins resemble armadillos and anteaters, which also feed on insects and have long tongues, strong digging limbs, and reduced or missing teeth. Their resemblance to armadillos is even more striking; both are armored and curl up in response to danger. Yet pangolins lack certain highly distinctive skeletal features seen in armadillos and anteaters. Once pangolins were grouped with armadillos and anteaters in the Edentata, but today the similarities between pangolins and these others are considered to result from convergent evolution. Pangolins are no longer considered close relatives of the armadillos and anteaters, which are now grouped with the sloths in a separate order, the Xenarthra.
Your rash actions toward your Kazaa superiors are most intolerable. Your pathetic share level is so shameful that it has attracted the attention of the foremost authorities. If this means nothing to you, then you are deserving of Kazaa prosecution in the Kazaa courts. I hope you can afford a good Kazaa lawyer.
Throw open the windows of twilight
To the unfolding veil of night
Who could forgo looking upon
The num'rous starry hosts?
The moon, engirdled in shadow
Floating above the sleeping meadow
The quiet heather
Drifting in the cold stream
Of a breeze celestial.-James Morton Wadsworth, 1857
What uncommon thing have I done? If I must say so, I have made my contribution to her majesty's empire. I would go into a rather long account, but I fear I must severely truncate this narrative. In short, I dispatched the natives of the Longomo region. What rebellious wretches they were, but they were no match for my 34th regulars. That was the greatest hour and I defended her majesty's domain for many years besides. So, I would rather you not speak to me as though you had grounds for criticism.
-Colonel Worthley
Pissed Off User: LOOK OK UR JUST SOME IDIOT THAT DOESNT KNOW HOW MUCH POWER I HAVE U PIECE OF CRAP
Colonel Worthley: Outrageous! Such lack of respect is unheard of! I hope you are aware that your crude manner only serves to reflect your low upbringing.
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You are a lily-livered, yellow-bellied bufoon!
Sincerely,
Colonel Worthley
Zis is au messauge du le Fronch aumbassy. Hui belieze zat you are inferiau e le Fronch peeple. Ees au foct qui li Americanes sommes pobrites! Le etats ce mois!
-Le Fronch Aumbessay
Stupid Americans! Always eating horseshit with diet coke! Can’t even play real football like rest of the world!
-Pierre
, Congratulations,
You have successfully survived all four levels of our authentic Frenchman simulation. You are one of a very few who made it. Every one of this fictional man's repugnant traits were derived from actual interactions reported by American tourists in Paris. Your success is a credit to your patriotism and fortitude as a U.S. citizen.
Best,
Department of the Homeland Security