The Latest Plan To Combat Urban Sprawl

The Federal Committee of Land Management

With the world increasingly suffering from the strains of overpopulation, governments around the world have been desperately searching for alternate housing strategies to optimize land usage. In most American cities, a few citizens commonly live in an amount of space fit for a dozen people. Unfortunately, homeowners have consistently opposed plans to settle additional people in attics, garages, and unused rooms. Urban sprawl continues to become worse and the natural habitats of many species are rapidly disappearing. It seemed to many as though nothing would be done when a new plan was submitted. The new bill, if passed will encourage immigration to road islands. This may seem ridiculous at first, but an overwhelming majority of Americans will not tolerate a mandatory boarder appointed by the government. If any such attempt were made, the Supreme Court would declare any such actions as unconstitutional. The only solution is to create new property within the already crowded urban sphere. This is difficult for obvious reasons. The first choice was to create settlements on rooftops throughout America. Once again, property rights promptly put an end to such thoughts. After much research, our committee has concluded that the only non-privately owned, unused land is the road island.
Road islands are dividers between two-way traffic and they range from barren patches of soil surrounded by a concrete curb to lush gardens with trees. Some islands are simply filled in with a layer of brick. The committee has recognized the potential of these uninhabited parcels of land and all that is needed is the consent of city officials. There will be some difficulty accomplishing this, but it can be done, as most mayors are always looking for a larger tax base. Some of the plans for Road Island Estates have already been completed. Houses that occupy an entire island will on average have to be 12x250 feet. The dimensions of road islands vary somewhat, but the length will in all cases greatly exceed the width. Naturally, this makes for an inherently vulnerable building, but our engineers are currently working on designs that will hold structural integrity in the occurrence of high velocity impact. With motor vehicles traveling on either side of these proposed developments, the committee has cause to believe that some safety measures may be necessary. At this point, it may seem as though the main issues with Road Island Estates have been solved, but then there is the matter of commuters.
It has been recognized that local storeowners will not allow their parking lots to be used on a day-to-day basis by Road Islanders. It would also be problematic if traffic was brought to a stop by thousands of pedestrians crossing the street from their houses. To solve this difficulty, the federal government will commission a fleet of helicopters to provide public transportation. This way, traffic is undisturbed and Road Islanders can quickly be delivered their job sites. There is, of course, no room for a helicopter to land on top of an island apartment complex, so a cargo net will have to be lowered so citizens can climb up. Disabled and elderly people will be placed in harnesses and lifted by public helicopter workers. With only a few exceptions, such as hospital employees, the procedure will be repeated upon delivery to job sites. It has been agreed that this is the best method even though it carries a large expense. Fueling stations and helipads will be established on the top of federal buildings throughout major cities. The original plan was to establish these facilities outside of city limits, but then it was recognized that this would use land that the plan seeks to conserve. In addition, having the stations within the city allows better access to citizens in need of the Public Helicopter Service.

The plan as has so far been stated will require substantial funding, but some of the expense can be recovered by designating a different use for the most densely vegetated road islands. Instead of building apartment complexes, these select islands could be set aside as resorts. A small building with a bed for two will attract young couples and honeymooners. The rates will be relatively low, but profit from these businesses should help lessen federal expenditure. Our analysts agree that the prospect of spending time alone together and living amongst beautiful island greenery should readily attract customers.

Everything seems to be falling together at present, but there is still one more obstacle to overcome. The apartments and resorts must be provided with plumbing and electricity. It has been put forth that main roads be closed for the setting of pipes and underground cables. Some of the committee believes that this scheme is unrealistic, but work continues. Hopes are high that Road Island Estates will soon become a reality.

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