A Brief History of the Subjectivist Movement
Karl Schrodenhausen
For the last decade, the established school of mathematics has come increasingly under assault from activists who challenge the fundamentals of numerical computation. These new mathematicians are known as the subjectivists. Their founder, the Swede Jorin Stradensen was a university student in Stockholm who became increasingly disenchanted with the academic environment. Near the end of advanced calculus, he finally decided that mathematics as they currently existed lacked some important element. For the next four months, he exhaustively experimented with myriad equations, attempting to find a way to prove what he called the “basic error.” His frustration grew with weeks of unabated failures, but he was compelled to continue. Finally, on one frozen winter evening, Stradensen came to a solution through an abstract inversion of the Warshawsky theorem, which had never been done before. The concept of numbers held by human beings throughout history was challenged by Stradensen’s final equation: 1+2=15. All the math professors at the university were incredulous. “How,” they asked themselves, “Could such as this occur within the fine academic traditions of Sweden, and under our tutelage?” To their further chagrin, Jorin Stradensen made his fateful declaration “All mathematics are subject to subjective interpretation.” Thus began the subjectivist movement. At first, Stradensen had no followers, but after a year of entreating and speech making, he was supported by a small but solid group of radical students. They began to print and distribute subjectivist pamphlets in great numbers among the students and the university administration took offense. A month later, Stradensen was brought before the school board for “Presenting material subversive to the academic purpose.” In the following hearings, the outcome was little in doubt, especially when a math professor accused him of “Perpetuating an equation that is classified as a Euclidean Lie.” Stradensen was expelled, but he continued with his cause. Some of his most loyal followers gave up their education to help him spread the ideas of subjectivism throughout all of Sweden. In the next three years of campaigning, Stradensen had found great support from the younger students of primary schools and even a few influential mathematicians. The subjectivists were beginning to expand their influence into all of Scandinavia, but it is unlikely that they would ever have progressed far had it not been for another breakthrough. After years of studies and subjective proofs, Stradensen formulated the Theory of Subjectivity. This mathematical treatise widened the chasm between the traditionalists and the new cause. The two parts of the theory are as follows.
Translated from German by Steven R. Wadsworth1. Subjective interpretation renders quanta insignificant. Matter and energy can exist at any point in space without the hindrance of intervals that cannot be occupied.
2. Einstein was a frizzy frump.The theory created an uproar in the academic community of Western Europe and the long obscure subjectivists began to receive publicity. Stradensen went on the air to present equations such as 8=9 and 17.71=8.06. At first he was received with bewilderment and skepticism by many Europeans, but his ideas gradually became fashionable among leftist mathematicians, as well as young children. The majority of intellectuals questioned Stradensen’s math ethics because they believed that his equations were Euclidean Lies. Galled by the disdain of the many, the subjectivists filed a lawsuit on the established mathematical community. In the widely televised case, many of Stradensen’s devoted followers demanded that all school textbooks in Western Europe include a chapter addressing subjectivism. The legal battle lasted through a year, but the subjectivists won soundly. It was entered into lawbooks that all students were to be educated in the new ideas. In response to this stinging loss, the traditional mathematicians refused to accept the new textbooks. Riot police blockaded many universities and fired tear gas. In the end, the professors had to give in, and soon afterwards, carts of modified books were paraded unopposed onto campuses throughout Scandinavia, Germany, and France. Invigorated by success, Stradensen organized efforts to spread the subjectivist movement to England and the United States.
Jorin Stradensen is relatively unknown outside of continental Europe, but he will soon be a factor in North America and the British Isles. Therefore, the pains of translation have been taken, making this document the first about subjectivism to appear in the English language.